Monday, April 09, 2007

Happy (belated) Easterberg

A word of advice before I start this one. Remember - your entire taste in music is made up of what you've heard. What you hear is controlled by the music industry almost 100% - or, as cke put it in the blog Chunks, Eggs en Prix:
"Think of it--there's only so much music that one person can listen to in a day. Most people seem to prefer to have music playing dimly in the background through virtually every waking minute of their lives (except when they're watching television). Of all those hours of daily music, virtually all of it comes from the commercial music industry. This means that, not only was all that music produced according to some pretty specific and slick-sounding standards, but that it's all owned by those companies as well. In essence, the music industry is meeting virtually 100% of the daily demand for music that people have, and they're doing it with material that they own, and that sounds at least halfway decent. They also have control over virtually all the primary promotional avenues. In other words, the entire musical landscape, from the musicians all the way to the brains of listeners, is almost wholly controlled by the recording industry."
So. Let me broaden your mind. OK? Just don't get on my back if it sounds a little unfamiliar at first. Uncomfortable is good.

It's no great secret that I'm an admirer of the work of Maggie Osterberg. Her work has a lo-fi precious quality about it that sets it apart from so much of the mass-produced crap that passes for music these days. She sounds real. And that's what I love about her. So let me take you through a bit of a sampler - some stuff that you can get for free, and if you like that, well: there's stuff for sale too.

Right. First things first. It's an unusual singing voice. In a world of American Idols and Cowell-made monsters, this voice wouldn't get past audition 1. That's no criticism. I'd love to see what they'd have made of Neil Young, too. But the critics like her. Milo Miles described her music as
"Garage-prog with a passion for melody sprinkled over everyday scenes of despair and contentment."
So you begin to get the idea. A little rough around the edges, but knowingly so. She knows what she's doing.

I can't think of a better way of describing the first track of hers I'd like to introduce - "The Last Two Drops". Actually, I can - because when I first heard it I went a little bonkers. Click the link, and while you listen, read the review I dashed off at the time.
"Jeeze: somebody stop the room swaying.

It's Fear And Loathing On The Stamen Island Ferry.

Cuts right to the intuitive, does mosterberg's latest. Back in the recesses of my mind, it actually has a sense of menace that I've only experienced once in my life when I entered a benighted store just off Interstate 10 in Kent, TX (sorry, make the benighted store the whole of Kent, as it really was that deserted) and got the chilling phrase "You ain't from round here; are you boy?" as I perused the dust-covered Wrigley's in a somewhat disoriented travel-addled state of mind.

I told him no, I'd come from Eugene, OR and left in a colossal hurry. Scary shit.

Like when you get too drunk, and it stops making sense.

Like this fractured little gem. Wow."
Yeah, you see? Do me a favour: listen to it twice. The first time is acclimatisation. The second time is appreciation. I love the way the Marc Ribot-influenced guitars spider around each other, and her spacious use of reverb - which isn't very trendy right now. People are taught to like their music bright and dry by the music industry these days: Maggie Osterberg likes space and swamp. It's different, that's all - and different is good. Those voices too. It's quite an intoxicating, spooky little package. All in all, I'm a fan of Maggie's judgement, to be honest - and this song shows off her judgement in shovelfuls.

So - on to song #2 in this little article. This one was written as a birthday gift for little old me. "An Appointment". And what a birthday gift it was. Again: my thoughts from when I first heard it. Click the link and read.
"The town that I originally come from is a fairly sleepy, but fair and moderately liberal-minded town called Grantham in Lincolnshire. Although surrounded by tracts of arable land, it had a fair concentration of heavy engineering for a town of its size.

Ingenuity in war production had always been one of Grantham's strengths. Eight years prior to the Great War, a local company had demonstrated to the War Office a novel form of vehicle propulsion where the wheels were encased in a metal band, allowing the vehicle to traverse obstacles in the field that would stop conventional vehicles. The War Office had written the invention off as having "no significant military application". A decade later, the battle of Cambrai would see the tank make its terrible entry into modern warfare.

Lessons had been learned - as soon as war became probable in the late 1930's, all Grantham's factories were converted to war production and RAF Bomber Command No. 5 Group was set up there - where Barnes Wallace was later to perfect the "bouncing bomb". Of course the lessons had been learnt on the other side too, as Nazi tactics made liberal use of the caterpillar track to shock countries into submission in 1940.

Grantham has always had a degree of importance in the greater scheme of things, having been a stop on the stagecoach route from London to York and Edinburgh (the A1 used to run right through the town centre), and at that stage it was a major marshalling yard for the London and North-Eastern Railway.

All this meant that, on German maps, there was a great big cross-hair over Grantham.

Grantham suffered over 270 alerts, but the night that sticks out in many people's memories was the night of 30th September 1940.

More about that later, but a bit of background first.

My grandma on my mother's side was a singular character. Fiercely loyal and oddly independent, she took virtually no domestic skills to her marriage. She'd not so much wooed as cornered her husband - but that's a different story. Anyway, she was chatty, lively, the worst cook ever, had an outrageously cheeky sense of humour and had a predilection for dying her hair on a whim. My grandad (a shy, reserved type of bloke) was a postman, and he did the nightshift working out of the railway station. My mother has plenty of stories of my grandad waking up ready to go to work, to be faced with near inedible food and a wife with a new, almost offensively vibrant hair colour. After a while, he'd just sigh.

Grandma had an active mind, and no skills to occupy it with. She had three kids - a boy in the army, a girl quite able to look after herself, and a quiet, reserved daddy's girl who was just starting piano lessons. That was my mum, and she'd just turned seven. Grandma was bored most of the time, so used to take every opportunity to see a film. She viewed babysitting expenses as a frippery, so dragged my mother out to the pictures most nights. My mother remembers her schooldays mainly as a battle to stay awake.

On the 30th September, as usual, they went to the pictures. On this instance it was the pictures at the other, south side of the town that they chose to go to. If an air raid took place during a film, the sirens couldn't be heard at all clearly inside; so the custom was to show a slide informing patrons of the situation, and assuring them that if they wanted to stay, the film would continue.

The same tired old phrase would be trotted out. "We may as well stay. If you're going to bloody die, you may as well die watchin' a film," was my Grandma's reasoning.

At about 8:30, the slide appeared - and although a few people left, most people stayed and the film played to an almost-packed house.

At 8:45 the cinema shook and my mother remembers hearing a most tremendous sound. For a few seconds, it was dark. People began to panic. There were a few servicemen in there who had seen active service in France earlier that year and their calming influence was instrumental in stopping what could have been a lethal rush for the doors. The noises carried on for a while and then died down.

The target had been the very factory where those caterpillar tracks had been made before. Some of the largest bombs deployable at the time, 1,000kg and 1,800kg monsters (appropriately codenamed "Satan" by the Luftwaffe), had ripped through the factory, destroying the area assembling depth charges - and no doubt exploding a few in the process. The blasts had taken out the electricity, gas and water simultaneously, and the factory was less than 200 yards from the cinema.

Once the terrible noise had died down, Grandma realised that there was probably not much chance of catching the rest of the film (duh!) and decided to make her way home.

My mother's description of what she saw as she left the cinema still chills me.

"It was like day - everything was lit up - and there was fire everywhere. The picture house was the only building on London Road not on fire. I've never been so scared. There was stuff falling all around us." There were fire crews strung down the street, battling hopelessly as fires raged out of control, destroying buildings.

The only thing to do was dodge the falling debris and run home across town.

They ran up High Street until they were met by an ARP Warden, who sternly rebuked Grandma for being out with a young child and sent them into the shelter at Lipton's. They cowered there, petrified - my mum told me she wasn't sure she'd see daylight again: as far as she was concerned, this was it.

My granddad had heard the news, and, knowing his wife and daughter were out in the middle of the conflagration, was excused his duties for the night. He went looking for his family.

My mother had almost given up when she heard a Cockney accent at the doors of the shelter.

"I'm looking for a woman with a little girl..."

"It was when I heard Dad's voice," she said, "that I knew we were going to be OK." He joined them in the shelter, and they sat the rest of the raid out, waiting for the all-clear. The toll was terrible - my mother remembers stories of the local open-air swimming pool being used as an emergency casualty centre and mortuary.

Many years later, my mother was diagnosed with a carcinoma of the kidney. By all rights, she shouldn't have survived that, but 18 years later she's still here. I was talking about that with her only yesterday, and I reminded her of what a friend had said.

Eleanor (an ex-girlfriend's mother) is a doctor and a devout Catholic. I'd described the cancer and my mother's almost inexplicable survival. She concurred with the medical opinion I reported and she'd said "obviously your mother has things to do... She hasn't finished yet."

"Damn right!" Mum said when I passed this on. "The doctor told me my chances and I got so... so... God, angry! I remember thinking, sod that! I'm not qualified as a piano teacher yet! You're not beating me!"

It wasn't the first time she'd cheated death to see the future, was it?

Listening to that incident retold in song, with the image of a seven-year-old girl running for her life to make it to her son's birthday party in the future, was really very special. Maggie had no idea my mother's such a fighter, and her interpretation was prescient to say the least.

It's probably the best birthday present I've ever had."
The layered voices, the angry guitar chops and that bass make for a very special song indeed. Listen to the combination of space and muscular presence, and the way a seemingly disorganised song coalesceses around the "baby's birthday party" hook before slowly unravelling again. This woman really knows what she's doing. And the lead voice - heartfelt, unselfconscious, full-blooded: singing with conviction and passion.

I have goosebumps.

Now a "compare and contrast" moment. One of the marks of a good songwriter is whether a song survives the transition from one artist to another. Writing for your own voice is one thing, but once someone else gets hold of a song...

Not much comment here:

"Stupid Rain" by Maggie Osterberg

"Stupid Rain" by Matt Duane Griffin (who deserves a blog post to himself, to be honest)

One song, two very different treatments. Very interesting.

Now for the final song in this set."Goodnight". I consider this to be her masterpiece. If "The Last Two Drops" was fractured, then this is shattered, in every sense of the word. Written one late night after a hospital visit, Maggie's sigh at the beginning sets the tone for a toned-down howl of anguish that expresses in music everything it struggles to say in words. Again, my thoughts at the time.
"I know that sigh. I have a similar one.

There's something that about dark times that brings out the best in an artist. It really sucks that we have to go through it, but the payoff for us listeners is potentially fantastic.

This is one of those "tick all the boxes" numbers. Unselfconscious, raw and melancholy: Maggie's back and she's flying in on one engine emotionally. She's got a habit of producing late-night nuggets of lo-fi precious, but there's a sense of humour behind most of them. Granted, it's concealed behind a scary facade, but it's there.

Not this time. She's tired, ground down and someone should give her a hug.

But he can't move. What can we do?

This is broken. This is sparse. This is heartbreakingly triumphant.

Oddly, iTunes gave me Johnny Cash's cover of We'll Meet Again straight after and - I am aware this may sound heretical - it came across as callow and lightweight by comparison. The comparison shocked me.

No: you want Americana at its most raw? This is the real deal.

We are lucky, lucky people."
We are, you know. We're lucky to have an artist like Maggie Osterberg daring to show us what her world is like in such candid detail.

Should you want to own more of her work, her album Bent, Not Broken, is widely available online at the iTunes store, eMusic, and many other places. I utterly recommend you check it out.

Utterly.

Friday, April 06, 2007

I have no explanation for this.

A picture showing the idiotic amounts of downloads for what was, effectively, a prank.

March's webstats for "Don't Look Back In Anger". Yeah. Just March. Go on, make it worse. Click here and have a listen. Oh, I despair sometimes.

In the meantime, I was faffing around on Google (what, you mean you don't type Sp3ccylad in?) and I found this:



Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Dick Dale, telling it like it is


Legendary guitarist Dick Dale, asked for advice for the struggling musician. He's startlingly frank.

I heartily agree with every word.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Citizen! Stop that! NOW!

Just when you think things are about as Orwellian as they can get, we edge just a little bit closer to the precipice with the latest wacky scheme. This time, the powers-that-be aren't content with watching us constantly with CCTV.

Britain is already the most watched nation in the world: there's 1 camera for every 14 people in the UK. Probably more, as that figure was quoted last year.

So, we get watched all the time. It's just another infringement of what little privacy we have left. Even more so, with the latest trend, which is for cameras that talk back. Yes, citizen, you read that correctly. Cameras are being fitted with loudspeakers so you can be told off by a CCTV operator. Seeing as putting people in the stocks has been rendered illegal by that pesky human rights legislation they keep on importing, they're going to tick us off, right there, in the street instead.

But who decides what deserves public embarrassment and what is passable behaviour? Who gets cut a bit of slack and who gets pulled up? You see, this is what worries me about the whole venture. No doubt the same arguments will be trotted out as for ID cards - you know, the old saws along the lines of "if you've got nothing to hide..." and the whole idea will appeal to the type of Daily Mail reader nostagic for the village bobby giving miscreants a quick clip around the ear, but I have extreme doubts about the whole thing.

You see, everybody has prejudices. Everybody. I'm not so arrogant as to claim I'm prejudice free, and neither should anybody else. It's just that some people are less able to keep their prejudices in check than others, that's all. I don't wish to run the risk of being the target of some CCTV operator's petty likes or dislikes - but sooner or later I fear I won't have a choice.

And there's one other thing - we're the most watched society in the world, yeah? Well, consider this. I was witness to a rather nasty assault in Leeds about 18 months ago. I remember picking the victim up afterwards (sans half a front tooth) and telling her not to worry; CCTV's all over this bloody city - so apprehending the culprit shouldn't be a problem.

The result? Not one picture of the culprits was recorded on camera. Not one. Not one of any of the five blokes fleeing together. Not one of the victim lying prone on the floor. Nothing - in spite of the fact that it took place on Briggate: Leeds' busiest shopping area. It might as well have never happened.

So is it really all just a sham constructed to make up for a lack of police officers on the ground? Considering most of the people with police connections I know bemoan the paperwork, bang on about "too much political correctness" and secretly wish they could act like Gene Hunt from Life On Mars, you know; the talking camera might just be the safer option.

Even then, they don't always work, as this rather odd story proves...

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Wanted: condom testers

No, I wish I was making it up, but truth, yet again, is way stranger than fiction. Durex want condom testers.

"It isn't some crazy kind of '60s love-in," said a spokesperson.

(Regardless of their denials, feel free to apply here.)

Thanks a bundle, Captain Astiz.

I never was a fan of Thatcherism. I can't draw any pride from coming from the same town as Baroness Thatch. The only thing her roots are useful is a form of idiot test: "comes from Grantham, must be a conservative" is a surefire fast-track to losing my respect.

I've been thinking a lot this week about the Falklands War 25 years ago, and how everything seemed to change from that moment on. It was the beginning, really, of my politicisation - up until that point I was fairly apolitical: a few woolly liberal views instilled by my mother that contributed towards a kind of middle-of-the-road sensibility. Sure, never right wing, but kind of nice. I remember being appalled by the human cost of mass unemployment in the UK - we'd finally crossed the barrier of 3 million unemployed - and I was pretty sure that it would mean the end of Margaret Thatcher as PM. Certainly the heat was on her on this issue - surely it was only a matter of time before she would have to go to the country to seek re-election. Then the game would be up.

Then everything changed, thanks to Naval Captain Alfredo Astiz (see picture, right) - known in some quarters as the "Blond Angel of Death." He invaded the island of South Georgia on 19th March 1982, and triggered the whole bloody mess.

As an aside, I remember a turning point in my world-view happening around this time. The BBC had sent a three-man crew down with the Falklands Task Force. Most people remember it for the stellar reporting of Brian "I counted them all out..." Hanrahan, but there was a slightly more personal side for me. The sound recordist for the team was a Lincolnshire man: John Jockel, who recently died at the age of 68. His son attended the same school as me.

John had taken the opportunity to snap some film down in the Falklands, and one of his photographs sticks with me to this day. I wish I could find a copy, but it doesn't seem to be anywhere on the web - as far as I know, its only publication was in the Grantham Journal. It was of a crate of 35mm anti-aircraft ammunition abandoned at Goose Green by the surrendering Argentine forces; clearly marked as manufactured in Grantham. We'd been making ammunition, so it could be fired at our own airmen.

The rest is history - Thatcher rode the Falklands to victory in the 1983 elections and... well, Simon Jenkins tells the story better than me.

Monday, April 02, 2007

The cost of becoming American


"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free;
And your cash. Especially your cash."

Immigration is a subject close to my heart for all sorts of reasons - not least because I've been an immigrant. It's a costly business, and in the USA that applies more than most. I remember being fleeced for two Employment Authorization Documents (12-month temporary work permits sold as an interim measure prior to a Green Card at around $150 a shot) simply because the Portland INS office (as was) took 450 days minimum to process a Green Card application. That hurt.

The ultimate aim of many immigrants to the US is naturalization. Why? Well, I can't speak for everybody, but for me it was partly because I think - and several years of Bush-based disillusionment have not dimmed this - that the American social experiment is a bold adventure, and I wanted to be part of it. I don't have any great romance about my notion of America. Look, bub: small-town Oregon will cure anybody of that, and I don't mean that unkindly. Quite the opposite, in fact. You see life as it really is, not as some notion gleaned from a flickering screen. And I loved it.

I loved the grass-roots bottom-up nature of the political structure - the first country in the world where power flows up, you know: like the rain in Dr. Who the other night. I loved the fact that even my pest control guy had a political opinion and thought nothing of debating it whilst ridding me of ants. It was intoxicating to see the soul of a country being fought for in hearts and minds in a way that is lost on poor, jaded spoon-fed Brits.

The message was loud and clear: "this country is whatever we make it."

And now, the fees for naturalisation are to be substantially increased. I realise that it is enshrined in law that the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services have to be self-funding, but have their costs really gone up by the best part of 50%? The signal is clear - the ladder is getting harder to climb, the doors are shutting - and the last thing the US needs right now is thousands of (perfectly legal) permanent residents who remain uncommitted Americans because the wrong signals were sent out from Washington.

Bit by bit, Club America becomes harder to join. And that's a genuine shame.

Paying too much to be American - Los Angeles Times

Glory Hallelujah! The end of DRM is nigh.

I'm not entirely sure I can believe today's announcement made by Steve Jobs and Eric Nicoli, the CEO of EMI, stating that EMI's catalogue (with one notable exception, of course) will go on sale DRM-free.

Only a few days ago, I was all but asking people wanting to buy my stuff to go elsewhere than shop at iTunes, such was the degree to which DRM pisses me off. Now, I wouldn't exactly say I have the clout as an artist to make any difference (yeah, right), but I know I'm not alone in this regard. As much as it's nice to make money and recoup some of the considerable expense that comes with realising the music I record, it's way, way more important that people hear it. I mean - I hope nobody thinks that record deals are designed with the artist in mind.

I've been purchasing DRM-free music for donkey's years now. It's called vinyl and CDs. The ability to encode music, which should have been liberating, was taken as an opportunity to gouge loyal customers and put people off experimenting with music.

Just as the mix tape woke me up to so much music over so many years, so the ability to share music builds taste and broadens minds. It acts as a catalyst to sales, not as an alternative.

To that end, I offer a little taster from my forthcoming album ...Amongst Tax Collectors and Thieves. This song is dedicated to all those people who make cash without regard to artists or consumers.

Ladles and jellyspoons, I give you...

Ye Gods



I... Er...

The Raincoats. Leeds. That is all.

The Raincoats! Argh! *swoons*

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Call that humiliation?


Trust a Python to get it right. Terry Jones writes in The Guardian about the Iranian diplomatic hoo-hah and calls on the West to get the plank out of its own eye.
"For God's sake, what's wrong with putting a bag over her head? "
Genius.

Who is this man?

He's Brian Johnson - a student at Duke University. He's been responsible for hacking into sp3ccylad.com, producing, amongst other things, that really time-consuming thing that wound Abroad At Home back to August all the time, which, frankly, nearly had me quitting blogging out of sheer frustration.

I'll be in touch with Duke in the morning. With a whole raft of evidence.

But what evidence?

You see, the key lies in scads of URLs embedded into the rogue August page (and the index page as well, amongst others), of the rough format http://linux.duke.edu/~mbjohn/centos-3/i386/tingtones.php?id=454

Here's the URL again, taken from a screenshot. The internet's so helpful like that:



Click here for the code in full.

BTW, the tingtones.php stuff magically disappeared at 11:34 am EDT, once I told Mr Johnson that he'd been rumbled. On a mailing list he runs. Oh, I'm rude.

Of course, I'm sure Duke don't back anything up.

So, Brian. You've got until 9 am your time to get your story straight. That's when I use my nice cheap international calling plan to wait on hold until someone answers who can do something about this.

Now keep the fuck away from me, geek.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

A new career beckons

Leo Sayer. Man or God?I had a phone call left on my voice mail today. Apparently a local pub requires a Leo Sayer impersonator. A very odd call to come home to, especially with the remnants of last night still rattling around my system in a particularly vicious manner. I so hope it's a wrong number, because I'm not tempted. Not even for a second. No.

This is the guy you want. I think.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Looking Back, part 3


25th May 2006. I escape from work, and look forward to a few days off. I don't like to work on my birthday: in fact I never do, but I thought it politic to take some annual leave, rather than doing what I usually do.

I remember thinking that it was an extraordinarily beautiful day: Greenhead Park was full of people playing. Not just children, but people of all ages were out, just goofing off. This was a Thursday, for crying out loud. Something was up, and I liked it.

Then something odd happened. As I stood there, things seemed to morph into my old University campus: days spent blissed out watching the world... change.

They warned me about this kind of thing, but it always happens to other people, doesn't it? I don't scare easily though. So I rushed home and recorded the guitar riff that was now sounding like bells in my head. Soon after I hit this tornado of concentration and had to be hauled out of the studio to eat. By midnight, I'd gone from flashback and one riff to a full song.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: I Fall Through Clouds.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Looking Back, part 2

I can only recall crying with happiness once in my life. That was just after midnight on the night of 22nd July 2006.

The reason?

I was privileged enough to hear an advance mix of a song that crept me out and yet smothered me with a contradictory beauty and delicacy completely at odds with the lyrical content of the song.

Yeah. I blubbed like a baby.
Download You Belong To Me here.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

New frontiers in science


What do you get if you administer the largest dose of LSD in history to an elephant?

No, it isn't a joke: and the answer isn't all that surprising, but I won't waste your click by telling you what happened.

Let The Guardian tell you instead.

Picture credit: the quite fantastic oCo

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Looking Back, part 1

Funny year, this one. So I'm trying to take stock, TO MAKE SURE IT NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN. I don't think it will, but hey, you can't be sure. As part of this taking stock I've been looking back on "moments" of the year and... well. Suffer, bitches.

Right. Sunday 12th February was freezing, as I remember. Really bitter. So I was quite relieved when, after a false start, I arrived at the Cockpit in Leeds to watch David Ford play to a packed house. The packed house was the bit that shocked me. I remember mentioning that to Dave and Frances afterwards - I mean, specifically, as in "where the hell did all those people come from?" Made me glad and a little sad at the same time. He deserved it, but I felt a little... I dunno.

Anyway, here's an all-too-brief excerpt from that night. And yes, he is playing a manual typewriter.

Friday, December 22, 2006

iPod Surgery

Yes, my iPod died again the other day. This time I realised it was far enough out of guarantee to make a trip to Sheffield a bit of a gamble, and anyway: Meadowhall should be called Meadowhell this time of year.

And yes, I've tried the "smack it hard" trick. It gave me about 2 months more usage, but dead is dead.

So, I reasoned it's time to stop being such a victim and take matters into my own hands. Knowing full well that 40GB clickwheel iPods were made with duff hard drives (and Apple really should have recalled), I did a bit of research on the internet and managed to order a replacement off eBay. Only I took the plunge and decided to put a different hard drive in.

Here's some notes.

1 The original hard drive was the Toshiba MK4004GAH. This has been discontinued. Damn right. The corresponding replacement is the MK4006GAH. Ambitious types may wish to go up to 60GB. If you like the sound of this, the drive you require is the MK6006GAH.

2 Getting in: DO NOT USE A SCREWDRIVER. You will scratch your iPod to buggery. Buy a specialist tool. You can get them from music shops for about 30p. It's called a 1mm guitar pick. Don't use the flippy nylon ones. They're about as much use as a one-legged man at an arse-kicking party. Rigidity is a good thing here, and you want a balance between rigidity and width. Ooer.

This is where guitarists have a colossal advantage. People who live in Eugene, OR have even more of an advantage, as they can go to McKenzie River Music on West 11th. They keep a goldfish bowl of picks on the counter. They are nice people. I bought my Ovation from them. Perhaps you could buy a Fender Musicmaster from them. It's pricey, but you'll get a handful of free picks, and an excuse to learn the guitar. It's all good.

3 Once you're in, the rest is easy. Take the rubber bumpers off the old drive and fit them to the new one. Use your guitar pick to scrape the foam from the old drive and glue it to the new one. It's a Zero Insertion Force socket, so just put the cable in the right place, seat the drive inside and snap the case back on.

4 It'll probably not work quite yet. If you're using a PC, I can't help you and I don't want to. You're in the majority. Plenty of help out there. On the other hand, if you're using a Mac, you'll get a dialog box telling you that the disk cannot be read. Click "initialize" and Disk Utility will be opened for you.

(Digression: Why do they call them dialog boxes? There's no dialogue going on, just a statement of how it is, with a limited number of options: one of them being effectively, "well, fuck you, then". It's more like a dysfunctional marriage box, if you ask me.)

The iPod will appear in Disk Utility. Click erase, and it will be initialised. The moment this finishes, iTunes leaps into action, just as it did when you first connected the iPod.

Et voilà! It works. One clicking iPod becomes a Frankenstein's monster with 60GB capacity.

My creation lives!!!

Northern Monkey Phones 999 For Santa


A 999 call from a person who asked to speak to Santa was among the most outrageous reasons for ringing Yorkshire's ambulance service.
Right. That's it. I'm considering moving.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

When Dry Ice Attacks

There are two types of adult. Those who think they've grown up, and those who know they won't. The former, in my experience, tend to be nasty types, playing a role, prone to think of themselves as "normal" and unable to see the effects of their own, often toxic, behaviour. The latter type tend to be a more self-aware bunch, sometimes prone to feeling lost in the sea of so-called "adults", but much more delightful for it.

In this experiment, we take two people who plainly have come to terms with the fact that they probably never will grow up, and give them a sink of hot water and a box of dry ice. Hilarity and much scientific inaccuracy ensues.



Kids. Try this at home.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Goodbye, Joe Barbera


Animator Joseph Barbera has died, age 95.

There goes my childhood.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

A lucky escape...


I was off out on Friday - a daft little outing involving heavy balls and ten pins with Indian nosh for afters. Harmless fun. I nearly had a shave before. Been growing a beard, y'see. So, rather than succumb to the whim, I took a shower while I decided.

Anyway, once I'd scrubbed up I realised I didn't look bad and went out. Saw a few people who hadn't really clapped eyes on me since the release of Fnurgled.

"Jeeze" came the response. "You look like a '70s rock god." Slight hyperbole (ok, major), but appreciation nonetheless.

Then the paper arrived this morning (I still buy newsprint! How quaint!) and the cover story in G2 told how beards have become the New Black for Men.

You can imagine my confidence is getting dangerously close to hubris right now.

Oh, c'mon. I deserve a moment, don't I?

The picture? Oh, just an East Midlander who looked good in a beard...

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Whales: A Lesson From History

According to the BBC, a dead sperm whale has been washed up on the beach at Roseisle in Scotland, aka pretty much the middle of nowhere. I notice from the report that "Council officials have ruled out using explosives to destroy the body."

This is a Good Thing.

A similar thing happened at one of my favourite beaches back in 1970. November 1970 to be exact, when a rather large whale carcass washed up on the beach just south of the Siuslaw River at Florence, Oregon - near where I used to fly my Flexifoil. On this occasion, because there were no rendering plants that wanted a whale carcass, they decided to blow it up. That's quite the decision making process, I'm sure you'll agree.

(Apologies to anybody to whom this is old news: I've known about this for about 10 years, but there are plenty that haven't. Be nice. Bear in mind that I work in a place where, out of 91 people, I am the only person who can actually name a Velvet Underground song. There were two people, but the other one got promoted to Head of Service. There's hope in that - or a terrible portent for the future. You decide.)

Here's the KATU channel 2 (Portland, OR) coverage of the event. It's pretty classic, particularly reporter Paul Linnman's alliteration fest. All TV reporters dream of a moment like that, I'm sure. Few achieve alliteration Zen quite like Linnman, though.



For more information on the great Oregon Exploding Whale fiasco of 12 November 1970, in fact for all your Exploding Whale needs, visit TheExplodingWhale.com where, amongst its resources, it has eight columns by Bob Welch. Mr Welch, although a bit schmaltzy at times, is a fantastic columnist who really gets to the heart of the community he serves. I probably learned more about Eugene's heritage from Mr Welch than from all of my friends put together.

(Do you like the way I went all The New York Times Manual of Style and Usage then?)

Monday, December 11, 2006

Wikihow reaches new heights


Quick! Pass me my laptop!

Is this the future? I hope so.

Welcome to the world of Nerdcore - hip-hop for geeks.

I'm liking this, I really am.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Pigeons Produce Comment Frenzy


It seems that the pigeon problem in Kingston-Upon-Thames has got so bad that they are employing a marksman to pick the buggers off

So what?

It's the comments at the bottom that go from good, to better through to damn-near excellent.

Read all about it...

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Go on. Be envious.

Our Friends Electric


"Welcome to Milk Float Corner, to the best of my knowledge the only site on the web dedicated to "our friends electric" - the humble milk float. Designed for reliability, durability, and quietness of operation, milk floats are also pollution-free as they glide around during the early hours, and for most people who keep normal hours, the only evidence that they exist at all is the appearance of a pint of milk on the doorstep each morning. But although they may be inconspicuous, they are appealing little vehicles and this page aims to give them a bit more recognition."
Crazy.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Sharon: Please Get In Touch


Well, when I say "get in touch", I don't know how. The silly bugger hasn't left an email.

Still, it makes for diverting, if slightly disturbing reading...

And, for extra value, I give you a picture of a cat being spooky.

EDIT: A WHOIS search on the domain gave the following information:
Domain name:
meltham-missing-person.co.uk

Registrant:
Paul X

Registrant type:
UK Individual

Registrant's address:
The registrant is a non-trading individual who has opted to have their
address omitted from the WHOIS service.


Very odd.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

The Fartown Massive


Found this piece of paper fluttering around the drive this morning. Seems we have gangstas in the 'hood.

I thought at first that it might just be a transcript from one of those new-fangled hop-hip records that the yoof listen to where people talk over a beat; but I googled the lyrics and found nothing.

So I can only assume the work is original.

One day they will aspire to the heights of this bunch.


I love Little Fuckin' Kev. Looks like he's going to start crying when he starts rapping. Tell 'em Joe!

EDIT: The Kersal Massive now have their own Wikipedia entry. I, along with my other felllow nobodies (© David Pogue 2006) can only dream of such fame.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Listen to this at work, I implore you.

It's Lust & Death's latest - Thursday Takes Its Toll: and it's a challenging one.

Listen to the song here...

Then download it and sing it to your colleagues all day.

It is, of course, Buy Nothing Day today. This is probably not unconnected.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

A Thunderbirds Extravaganza

Woah-oh! It's the titles to Thunderbirds! And - you guessed it - they're in foreign again. This time: Japanese - and they've made up a title song to go with it....



No tune like this would be complete without a lyric sheet: so hit "play" and sing along:
sundah bah-doh, ah-oku hikallu hii-lo-y uchu--eh you-keh kaze wo maite
sundah bah-doh, konoyo-no shiawa-seh no tame-eh ni you-keh umi-eh lliku-ni

ah-o-i sora-wo mida-su mono-wa dah-le-kah
yonn-de-illu ano koeh-wa eh-su o eh-su dah

sundah bah-doh, ah-oku hikallu hii-lo-y uchu--eh you-keh kaze wo maite
And, as a kind of detox to all that I give you one of the finest pieces of comedy the BBC has ever made - Peter Cook and Dudley Moore's classic SuperThunderStingCar sketch. Pure genius.

I wish I'd written this song.

Why? Because it's educational. For starters, I'd never realised that, due to it not being a decent habitat for pandas, Bognor Regis is an excellent place to grow cucumbers - and it just gets better after that spiffing opening.

Click here for all your cucumber educational needs - NOW.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Scary stuff

And so straight from sausages to tattooed genitalia.

Welcome to John's website. John, through the magic of tattooing, has had his willy transformed into Puff the Magic Dragon.

This may put you off a meal. Be warned.

A letter.

To Powys County Council Trading Standards

Dear Sir/Madam,
The other day I bought a pack of Welsh Dragon Sausages, and was pretty damned excited at tasting an extremely rare meat. Imagine my disappointment when...

No, I can't keep this up. Apparently a maker of sausages in Wales has been forced to change the name of their pork products because people might think they contain dragon meat. See this article in The Times for details...

"A spicy sausage known as the Welsh Dragon will have to be renamed after trading standards’ officers warned the manufacturers that they could face prosecution because it does not contain dragon."


I may have just lost the will to live. (Link via BoingBoing)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

A musical interlude...

It's about time you heard something new from me. Think of it as a healing thing; a kind of We Shall Overcome for the Prozac generation, if you like.



If you listen to this, light a candle and hug someone lonely. For me.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

The best album money can't buy...

I'm in posession of a bit of a rarity - something that arrived in the post the other week; and I've been enamoured with it ever since.

I'm a bit of a fan of quite a few MacIdol artists, but there's one or two that really stand out from the pack. One of the less well-publicised of this leading group is the wonderfully generous owner of the Songalong blog, Slumbering.

A few weeks ago, Slumbs asked me about some technical issues regarding putting together an album. I must confess, at this point I got terribly excited - and then I found out that she was putting it together for her "mama-la" as she calls her (what a softie!) for her birthday.

Anyway, I helped her out with some of the issues in my own ham-fisted way and offered swapsies with my album. Slumby refused because "it wouldn't be fair", but as a "thank you" for helping out she said she'd send me a copy. It arrived the other week, amidst the mayhem of getting a new home in order and, she's right: it wouldn't have been fair.

She'd have been ripped off something rotten.

Where most albums I hear are a collection of songs, albeit carefully ordered, we have here a near-concept album of some vision - one woman's rather individual and innocent/knowing vision - that bristles at times with a mordant sense of humour. If Jan Svankmajer was a reclusive female musician from the San Joaquin valley, he might sound like this. I don't know, I'm guessing. I do know I have a stop motion animation video in my head every time I listen to it.

One of the best aspects of Dark Lullabies is that Slumbering knows when to stop. She doesn't push the concept album envelope to breaking point, and she knows she still has a few tricks up her sleeve: not least two of my favourite songs of the year. So she calls the show to a halt, bounces back on as an indiepop princess and... well. This house is brought down every time.

A gothic vision played out in jerky black and white, followed by the gloriously gaudy colours that all the best pop should be splashed with. It's quite, quite wonderful.

It's my copy; and you can't buy it. In a way, that's a tremendous pity.

OK, I can hear Slumbering's objections - there are flaws in the recording, and I can hear them. But then John Lennon used to routinely keep mic pops, flubbed lyrics and the whole nine yards in Beatles songs - far worse stuff than ever surfaces here. So you'll need another excuse, Slumbering.

Of course, if she simply doesn't want to release it, that's fine and I'm cool with that - but quality control is not an issue here. It's quite the statement as an album.

Of course, until it does get released, I have one of the few copies in the world. And you've no idea how smug that makes me feel.

Find out what all the fuss is about by visiting the collection of songs she keeps online; and if Song for my Mama-la doesn't make you melt, then your heart is made of stone.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Come Together (but not yet)

I'm all for change. For instance, I'm as pleased as anybody about the recent mid-term results, and probably distinctly more chuffed than Donald Rumsfeld. So, any chance to effect more change is OK by me.

Especially if it's fun.

So, ladies and gentlemen (and especially the ladies) may I introduce you to Global Orgasm. Basically it's asking you to have an earth-shaker for peace. It doesn't interfere with any plans I might have, so I'm quite happy to join in.

But what is it they hope to achieve? This is what the site says:
The mission of the Global Orgasm is to effect change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy. Now that there are two more US fleets heading for the Persian Gulf with anti- submarine equipment that can only be for use against Iran, the time to change Earth’s energy is NOW! Read more about the fleet buildup here.

The intent is that the participants concentrate any thoughts during and after orgasm on peace. The combination of high- energy orgasmic energy combined with mindful intention may have a much greater effect than previous mass meditations and prayers.

The goal is to add so much concentrated and high-energy positive input into the energy field of the Earth that it will reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression and violence throughout the world.
OK. I think I got all that. Then I had a look at the science bit:
The Global Consciousness Project (http://noosphere.princeton.edu), Princeton University, runs a network of Random Event Generators (REGs) around the world, which record changes in randomness during global events. The results show that human consciousness can be measured to have a global effect on matter and energy during widely-watched events such as 9/11 and the Indian Ocean tsunami. There have also been measurable results during mass meditations and prayers.

The Zero Point Field or Quantum Field surrounds and is part of everything in the universe. It can be affected by human consciousness, as can be seen when simple observation of a subatomic particle changes the particle’s state.

We hope that a huge influx of physical, mental and spiritual energy with conscious peaceful intent will not only show up on Princeton’s REGs, but will have profound positive effects that will change the violent state of the human world.
No. You've lost me now.

Still, I intend to join in. And why not? What could possibly go wrong?

Monday, November 06, 2006

I'm back

Well, I've moved house, for the second time in just over 12 months - and I've moved across town. Nice place, decent neighbours, all is good. There's a slight lack of late-night shopping options (apart from a 24-hour supermarket), but that means I have to make an effort to be a bit less absent-minded. That's no bad thing.

A picture named Lust-and-death-no-promises.jpg
In the meantime, here's my latest piece of listening pleasure - a fine morsel of listen called No Promises from the intergalactic wunderkinden Lust & Death. Everything about it is fantastic. You must love this song. (Note to self. Always the ampersand. Always.)

Anyway: you can listen to this song here.

Then because you LOVE it so much, you can download it here.

Don't thank me. I just point these things out.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Sorry, David.

David Pogue has got it so wrong.

Writing about Whistler on My Dream App's voting page, he said:
"Also, I hate to say it, but if anything should have set the world on fire with undiscovered musical talent, it would have been GarageBand. Unfortunately, GarageBand remains the ugly little iLife stepchild, the one that hardly anyone even opens. That doesn’t give me high hopes for Whistler’s adoption curve."
Well, Garageband has set the world alight with undiscovered musical talent.

Here's a random selection, all available at iTunes.
Apologies to anybody left out. No slight intended.

Maggie Osterberg.
B&massa.
The Bananakiller.
Finer.
Bottled.
Me, for f*ck's sake.

And we'll remain "undiscovered" as long as the likes of Pogue and co continue their self-perpetuating ignorance about anything that happens outside of the music industry hype machine.

Garageband revolutionised so many musicians' experience of making music. For me, it was a Brian Wilsonesque sandbox. A plaything that became a serious tool very, very quickly and paved the way to bigger things.

Yes, Apple: that means I eventually "went Pro".

Whistler is a revolution. It takes the one thing that blocks Joe Bloggs out of Garageband - "but I can't play..." and dispenses with it.
"You don’t have to say anything, and you don’t have to do anything. Not a thing. Oh, maybe just whistle. You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve? You just put your lips together and… blow."
Yup. That's all it needs.

David, you missed the point. Because making music really should be that simple.

Monday, October 09, 2006

I want this.

MyDreamApp is a competition that pits a bunch of ideas against each other with the ultimate prize of being made into a program.

PopIdol for developers, if you like.

Anyway - there's one idea that stands head and shoulders above the rest in my opinion - Richard Whitelock's Whistler. It's really simple - music composition software for the rest of us.

As an idea, it knocks my socks off: whistle, drum a beat, play a kazoo, and it converts the idea into a midi file. It'll pull you into time, or leave your idea as you hear it. It'll comp chords around it, and help anybody turn that musical idea in their head into a reality.

It looks great (lickable!) and it needs to be made, because there's way more that what I've described there. So: visit the Whistler website, take a look - and if you agree with me, go to mydreamapp.com and VOTE.

It's what a computer app should be - a perfect portal between CPU power and the user. Utterly fabulous, Mr Whitelock. I want.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Armor of God PJs

Now, this is a disturbing one.

Apparently these deranged pajamas were designed by a mother to accompany a typical god-bothering bedtime, and now she's decided to put them on sale.

The effect, I believe, is meant to be inspiring - however, it comes across instead as not unlike the Church of England doing a rather camp panto, or a junior, football-supporting version of Howard Brenton's The Romans In Britain, which is a bit scary, to be honest.

I wish I hadn't had that particular thought. Ewww.

One to file under "faintly ridiculous", I feel.

(link courtesy of mydadsstripclub.com)

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Sing, David! Sing!

One of the things I miss from last summer (about the only thing, truth be known) is the sheer diversity of live music in Huddersfield. We still have live music, but the ambition amongst promoters doesn't seem to be there right now.

Gig of last year? Probably Duke Special/David Ford at the Cornerhouse. A quality lineup that had me spellbound and (does this sound odd?) optimistically heartbroken from start to finish. Since then, David has gone from breaking hearts with a stripped-down set to being way, way too big for a place like ours - yet he's still a relatively unknown quantity.

This summer, Dave's been doing the US, more's the pity for us stuck back here- and this is what we've been missing: Don't Tell Me, live at The Living Room in NYC. Gorgeous.

It brings back memories: some more embarrassing than others...

Friday, September 01, 2006

The Owl And The Pussycat

Woah!

Paul Brazier and Slumbering (two artists I admire greatly) have collaborated on a little something called The Owl And The Pussycat. It's a wappy, elliptical song and I utterly, wholeheartedly recommend it.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

my little nazi dolls


Craigslist has some funny people on it. Not least this guy who collects Nazi dolls - sorry, action figures.
"i have to hide them when my family comes to visit, or else they'll think i am retarded."
Well, it's lucky you didn't put them on the internet then, isn't it?

How'd Ya Like Them Apples?

CCC. I've mentioned him before - internet prankster (the Monkey Man of Tonbridge Wells, anyone?), and mashup artist extraordinaire. Well, he's got a "best of" album put together, made up of his best mashes: and it's free.

Get it. It's good. Really good. I mean it.

Download Sweetest Apples here

Then download the cover art and make a proper album.

He's so good to us.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Man City's gay recruitment drive

When I lived in the USA, my support for Manchester City brought about the odd misunderstanding. Not least because of my habit of abbreviating it - frankly, people thought it was a gay bar. So, to avoid crossed wires, I decided not to press for the vanity plate I wanted for the Subaru.

Now, you can imagine, when I read this, I did a bit of a double-take. Not least because of the Lardbucket Moyles's perjorative misappropriation of the word. But no: Manchester City have announced, during Manchester Pride, that they are the first professional football club to join Stonewall's Diversity Champions scheme.

About time too. I've long been embarrassed by the way that my fellow supporters resort to homophobic abuse at the drop of a hat, and I hope that this commitment to diversity will make supporting City a less toe-curling experience.

That's two results in a weekend I'm chuffed about.

elvischrist

Everything makes sense at elvischrist.

I feel honoured. Blessed. Praise be to Elvis.

The World's Gone Mad

The World's Gone Mad, part the first:

About a year ago, in a fit of the giggles, I recorded a version of Oasis's Don't Look Back In Anger. It's rough in places: I'd just batted off a hangover after a few too many post-performance beers the night before, but I enjoyed doing it.

Anyway: it has been a bit inexplicably popular on the web. At one time, I kept track of it through the stats on my website: but too much obsession with that leads to control-freakery and stuff like that. So I just laid it to rest and got on with my life. Until this morning, that is, when I fired up my web host's control panel and saw this:



Jebus. There's some odd people out there. That's just for August 2006, by the way.

The World's Gone Mad, part the second:

I am now quoted as a source on Wikipedia. WTF?

New Music. At last...

It's been a while, hasn't it? I mean, it's not as if I've been doing nothing... It's just.. Well...

I've been on a secret mission. Abroad. Anyway, here's something new.


Friends Reunited
FREE MUSIC!

It's a wryly angry little number. Don't download it if you don't like swearwords. Mind you, if you don't like swearwords, don't come to my house. I'm prone to the... vernacular, shall we say?

As usual, enjoy.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Friday, August 11, 2006

Symantec cripple the Church of England

Oh, dear, oh, dear. Oh, dear.

Apparently there's been a screw-up at Virus-Busting Central.

Vicars are angry.

Grasp the mouse, peasant: read on.

Inconvenienced are the overly cautious: for they shall cancel all their credit cards. (Book of Quin, 1:2)

Free drugs!

That got your attention. I got your number.

OK, not quite, as this is pharma-free, but it's a bit wild. Just click on the link, and follow the instructions.

Trippy, man.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Friday, July 07, 2006

Poupée De Cire, Poupée De Son


It's 1965. Luxembourg's entry for Eurovision is written by the legendary Serge Gainsbourg. It's sung by the gorgeous France Gall - who was only 17 at the time of the contest - in a enchanting, quasi-naive way that even now has the power to get one all a-quiver.

No wonder it won.

Everything about this is quite fantastic: the '60s fuzziness of the clip, the way that FG concentrates in the bridge, the orchestral arrangement, the happy accident of the backdrop framing her head...

Lovely, lovely, lovely.

*coughs*

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

When I see a giant tortoise, I reach for my beer

I was hanging around Quin Parker's intergaff today, and I saw a very interesting link - which I hope to bring to a narrower audience.

It's a man using a giant tortoise as a bottle opener.

You'll still want to go, but trust me: that's all it is.

I love the internet.

Jolly Japes in Berlin

What a hoot. Someone's been having fun while the World Cup's on. Which is more than you can say for us England fans.

I won't spoil the surprise.

Deutsche Lautsprecher klicken hier für den ursprünglichen Artikel.
English speakers can make do with what Google translates.

Dear God, I Think I'm Going To Die

I've been losing the will to live recently. I've got one of those awful summer colds that render you lethargic, half-deaf and wracked with coughing spasms.

Hang on, that's Bubonic Plague, isn't it? Whatever.

Anyway, I was just beginning to feel better when along came The 50 Worst Video Game Names Of All Time, and the last vestiges of persistence left me.

Did people really buy this stuff?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Fnurgled - Album of the year

Imagine an artist with no label backing, not even an indie label, creating an Abbey Road, a Wish You Were Here or a True. Imagine an artist sitting squarely in a pop sensibility, yet transcending that with pure poetry and challenging subjects. Imagine The Beatles jamming with Spandau Ballet in Brian Eno's studio while Sir George Martin sometimes sits back, mouth agape, amazed at the raw nerve of humanity touched by the music and the lyrics. That could well be Sp3ccylad.

Let's face it, Bedroom Producer is a term were going to hear a lot in the next year or two. We're going to hear it so much it'll get on everybody's pip, and Sp3ccylad is well worthy of a label so much less trite - worthy simply because this is potentially life-changing music, poetic, simple, at times dark, yet always beautiful. I prefer to call him a free agent or a truly independent artist, because if there's any justice in this world, he won't be recording in his bedroom for long, he'll be touring and performing globally.

Sp3ccylad's debut album, Fnurgled, is an amazingly accessible look into a hopeful yet dark heart. It's pleasant to listen to, it has a groove and a zing any good pop album should have. From the rockabilly lo fi of Everything Has A Price, to the big, bold and brassy Hey You, there's music for the neck down, a party in every tune.

Then there's the sparse and gentle Rain In The Summertime and Spun Out, both reflective and indicative a of a deep-thinking, self-aware lyricist. These tracks especially showing that Spandau Ballet influence. The melody is eminently hummable, yet think about what he's singing about and you'll feel his humanity I'm sure.

Meanwhile all this is balanced out by the cheeky pisstake of tracks like Guilty, which sets us up to expect another deep, reflective ballad, then dashes us on the rocks of, Hey! where'd that song go? All one minute and three seconds of it drip with expectation of something big, yet challenge us into realising the big stuff, the truly important stuff, can be said in so few words. Please don't read this as a spoiler, I've heard this one several times now, and in the overall mix, it surprises me every time. You wont see it coming, even knowing it is.

In his turn of phrase, his choice of sounds, his occassionally deliberately lo fi vocal, Sp3ccylad takes us on a journey to not only to his soul, but the soul of all human experience - love, life, loss and hope. And in writing of hope, I think of the sweet gentle scatting vocal on Song For The Lost, an uplifting melodic melange of happy bass and drum lines, lilting child-like vocals, colour, depth and ever present, irrepressible ambition of people to find happiness even in the darkest hour of their lives.

Buy Fnurgled if there's the slightest spirit of the dreaming child left in you. Listen to Fnurgled daily if you want to keep your hopes and dreams alive. Embrace Fnurgled everytime you feel daily life getting a stranglehold on you and let the music lift the air pressure under your wings and push you towards the sky. This is an Abbey Road, a Wish You Were Here or a True, and it comes from the artist's bedroom and his heart.

From B&Massa's Filthy Noises.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Fnurgled - on iTunes!



It's official - the global release is underway: you can now buy Fnurgled on iTunes! So - those of you waiting (and I know of a few!) can get in there and buy something I'm inordinately proud of.

You know it makes sense.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Journalistic Cliche Debunked


One of my favourite comedy skits, from This Morning With Richard, Not Judy, by the god-like Stewart Lee and Richard Herring.

Ever get irritated with the sad journo's cliche of "X is like Y on Z", where X is a new phenomenon, Y is an established act, and Z is some sort of drug? Well, it's untrue. Especially where X is Lee Evans, Y is Norman Wisdom and Z is acid.

Hurrah for the empirical scientific method, and respect to Vulga for posting it to YouTube in the first place.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

A Darkened Room

Oh, yeah - now you're talking.

B&Massa has squeezed out a marvellous, bluesily acoustic song that he envisages being part of a new album slated to be finished in September. It's an utterly great little piece, and if you don't listen to it, you're crackers.

Stream A Darkened Room here.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Bit of a construction zone here

Just tweaking things as you can see - I'm a bit of a lazy bugger, so it's on an "as and when I can be bothered to iron out the glitches" basis.

Jeeze, and I used to love web design. These days it's all I can do to arse about with templates.

Ah, the transforming power of music.

Friday, May 26, 2006

I Fall Through Clouds


I Fall Through Clouds
FREE MUSIC! LUCKY PEOPLE!


Welcome to my world - a mad psychedelic world of dripping rain and sheer sensuality. That's the world of I Fall Through Clouds, my latest magnum opus.

Oh, and once you've downloaded it, feel free to wish me a happy birthday in the comments.

Monday, May 22, 2006

It's memetime!

I'm not a great one for memes, but I'm in a playful mood right now. So - courtesy of mediawench.com - let's play the great iPod personality test! Woo.

How does it work. Simplicity itself. Put the iPod on shuffle. 15 songs, 15 questions. No skipping the lame, cheating verboten. Answer. Show the world.

Deep breath. Here goes.

1. How does the world see you?
Wesley Willis- "Fuck You"
Ooh, what a start. How do they see me? As a babbling savant, I suppose. How apposite. Oddly, I have a feeling people also see me as someone with a chip on my shoulder, which puzzles me. Hopefully, this happy message will dispel any misconceptions on that front.

2. Will I have a happy life?
The Colourfield- "Things Could Be Beautiful"
OK, Terry: I get the point. I could. It's in my hands. Wasn't it always?

3. What do my friends think of me?
The Wedding Present- "I'm Not Always So Stupid"
I'd like to think the title is indicative, but it probably isn't. Do they see me as someone with regrets, someone who burns his bridges? I wouldn't have thought so. Let's consult a lyric. What's Gedgey got to say that I can dowse a meaning out of? "Every time a car drives past I think it's you/Every time somebody laughs I think it's you" No: they see me as someone who needs new glasses and a hearing aid, evidently.

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
Boards of Canada- "Open The Light"
Well, if they do, they hide messages about it in rambling instrumentals with lots of panning and la-la-la-I'm-not-listening-stoppit-stoppit-stoppit. Stop it! Back to the tinfoil hat, I suppose.

5. How can I make myself happy?
New Order- "Round & Round"
Simple. Don't take shit from people. Ever. Remember the bad times for motivation and infuriate those who would spread misery by manufacturing your own good times. On the other hand, one could spin furiously until one collapses giggling and vomits copiously. Either works in my book. I should know. I've done both.

6. What should I do with my life?
Stevie Wonder- "For Once in My Life"
Wear sunglasses. Play killer harmonica. Recognise those who would make me happy and keep them close. And crucially: don't let sorrow hurt me - not like it hurt me before.

7. Will I ever have children?
Bob Dylan- "Lay, Lady, Lay"
Look, luv. I've got a big brass bed. Just hold still a moment. Shouldn't take long.

8. What is some good advice for me?
Badly Drawn Boy- "Dead Duck"
Feed people bitesized chunks. Don't throw the whole loaf. It hurts.

9. How will I be remembered?
Hard-Fi- "Hard to Beat"
And not just because I recognise danger and run accordingly - I'd like to be remembered as someone who "went for" things. Someone who left people gasping. Metaphorically speaking, I couldn't be a pedestrian.

10. What's my signature dance song?
Blur- "Battery In Your Leg"
"This is a ballad for the good times
So put a battery in your leg
Put a rock beat on the record
And get it stuck there in your head"

It's been stuck there for years. The beat, that is. Not a dance anthem, this though, is it? Next question!

11. What's my current theme song?
Syd Barrett- "No Man's Land"
"You would hold your head up high/You even try" Yes. I do. Thanks for recognising that, Syd. Now - back in the linen cupboard with you, you babbling fool.

12. What do others think my current theme song is?
ABBA- "Fernando"
"Others" are a funny bunch of people, me thinks. I'm glad a piece of pop like this should be seen as my theme song, but the reasoning is so beyond me it's untrue. Do they see me as a freedom fighter? Old? The Sp3ccylad mind, such as it is, boggles at this point.

13. What shall they play at my funeral?
The Teardrop Explodes- "Kilimanjaro"
Oh, now you're talking. Trippy genius Cope puts together a "strange and beautiful piece that sounded like it was recorded in a volcano on a Pacific atoll." If I thought that a funeral was a rite of passage in a journey, then this would be great. As it is. I'd play it just to freak people out, and it'd be great. Better still, drop the lights and then play it, then hire an actor to burst out of my coffin. Su-perb.

14. What type of men do I like?
Chumbawamba- "How To Get Your Band On Television"
Sorry, but I'm changing the gender of the question here. I'll use women instead. So sue me. Anyway, where were we? The type that fully grasps the meaning of the maxim "optimism of the will, pessimism of the intellect" and - crucially - acts upon it. Someone who can confront the sacred cows of received wisdom and still make me laugh helplessly: much like this marvellous song that takes me back to having green hair and dossing in an old miner's cottage near Woolley Colliery back in 1987. The women I shared the place with could all be described in that way - some of the most fabulous people I ever shared part of my life with.

Anne Ryan, where are you now?

15. How's my love life?
Ivor Cutler- "Not Big Enough"
I am instructing my lawyer to sue my iPod.

Right. I'm now meant to pass this on - so I'm trying to think of someone who cares about his music. B&Massa - the floor is yours, such that it is.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

When I hear the word "work" I reach for some culture


Having It Both Ways
Originally uploaded by sp3ccylad.
Welcome to an occasional look into my life.

You don't want to know what I do for a job. Really, you don't. And when it all gets too much for me, I faff about making art. Stupid drawings, and blu-tack sculptures, mainly. I now have a sculpture garden on my work PC, and I'm really quite proud of it. I'll pop a sculpture up here now and again.

There. It's got to be better than that bloody racket I keep on making, hasn't it?

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Love Theme for the Deputy Prime Minister


Love Theme for the Deputy Prime Minister

Free Music!

Every love story needs a theme, even one that involves that fuckwit.

I feel this music perfectly fits the bill.

Download.

Listen.

Enjoy.

A cool, and idiotically simple game

Asterisks fall from the sky synced to a soundtrack seemingly transported from early 80's Minneapolis.

You are a lightbulb. You dodge the asterisks, for they are death.

Your mouse button is magic - it makes the asterisks flee. There is a finite supply of magic.

You have but one life. Make the most of it.

Play Short Circuit here.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

We win

The Register-Guard (Eugene, OR) gets worried about the nation's well-being:
"Another sharp blow to the self-esteem of the Best of All Possible Nations: Working-class Brits, with their bad teeth and pasty white skin, are much healthier than upscale, nipped and tucked, golden-tanned, full-orthodontured Caucasian Americans."
Hey, less of the personal jibes, man - and get your healthcare system sorted!

Let's move to Lincoln...

...and set up home in this charming end terrace with a lovely... Jeeze! No!

Forget I said that. Actually, that sort of behaviour seems to be a Browning Drive thing. So let's just step away from the whole affair. Mind you, it's nice to know it's not all gorgeous architecture, great pubs and decent sausages back in the old place.

"Lincoln: steeped in history, brimming with life and overflowing with rubbish."

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Loads of Stairways To Heaven (will the torture never end?)


Stairway to Heaven. Bleurgh.

I should explain. When I was in bands in my youth, and we used to look for new guitarists, I had a "No Stairway" rule. It was a bit like The Gong Show, I suppose. I'd ask guitarists what they could show me, and if they played that terrible song, I'd shout "Next!" and throw a hissy fit. I did that a lot.

So you can imagine what I thought when I came across this particular brand of living hell - a page with thirty-nine fifty-six sixty-four sixty-five one hundred-and-one versions of... I'm sorry. I can't bring myself to type it, let alone italicise it.

Personal favourite? The Hard-Ons' version. Why? It could be me playing it. Enjoy!

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Fnurgled is here.

Well, I can now go ahead and make the announcement that has probably been chinese whispers for some time: Fnurgled, my first collection of songs, is in pre-release, aka available at CafePress.

Boasting a gestation period that would make the vet in the elephants' enclosure at London Zoo more than a tad concerned, it's what I consider to be the highlights of the last year's output.

"So," you might say: "I've heard it all before. What's new here?"

On one level, nothing. Yes, all the tracks are tracks that I inflicted on you at one point or another.

On another level, plenty.

Some of the tracks have been remixed - others have had the vocals retouched or even redone; and they've all been mastered for CD. Beautifully, I might add - and it's the first time since started making music that I've dared to relinquish creative control.

A word about that mastering: it's pulled together a disparate collection of sounds into songs that have become finished objects of a quality I couldn't have dreamed of, and done the same for the album as a whole.

You know how you can get a bit sick of the sound of your own songs sometimes? Perhaps not? Well, I certainly do. But this collection, lushly mastered as it is, is a non-stop on my iPod - listened to at times with a "is this really me?" proud disbelief.

So - the track listing:

i wish i was a theremin
Lucky You
Camoflage
Wait For Me
The Same Way Too
Rain In The Summertime
Everything Has A Price
Guilty
Hey, You!
Take Me Away
Song For The Lost
Spun Out
Waiting
Morning After

Availability? Right now, like I said, at CafePress. It's also available in my artist store for the comforting, round-number price of ten English pounds: I shall be getting stock in soon for personal delivery!

Later? CD Baby. After that, iTunes, etc. Then, the world shall be mine.

Watch this space. And, er... don't forget the rest of the merchandise.

Friday, April 28, 2006

China releases panda to the wild

They what? I mean... The... I...

Jeeze!

No. Hang on.They gave him a GPS device. And training.

It's cool.