Death by Caffeine

I'm not a suicidal man by nature. Except when I am. Which is never. Well, that's OK, then.

Mind you, were I suicidal, which I'm not, I can think of a worse way to go than dying than via a caffeine overdose. Actually, I can think of loads of worse ways of dying; some of them could be self-inflicted. Not that I'm planning anything. Oh, no.

Anyway, where was I? Suicide. That's it. ODs on caffeine. The practical guide. Here.

If you're wondering what a caffeine overdose is actually like, then take a look here. It's pretty comprehensive, but I would dispute the order of symptoms towards the end...

I give up. Where do I put Moldova?

Could you manage to place all 45 European nations in the right place? Without boundaries to help you? Try here. I got 93% correct with an average error of 19 miles. Can you do better?

Bet nobody posts their results as a comment.

EDIT: That was pavlovian, wasn't it?

Pinch me.

Crazy stuff from the bible

One of my favourite Simpsons episodes is the one where the hurricane hits Springfield - it's layered with meaning on so many levels and the gags pile up one on top of another beautifully. The faux title-sequence when the hurricane hits is fantastic, but the best moment must come when the Flanders family are holed up in the church and he prays...

"Why me, Lord? Where have I gone wrong? I've always been nice to people! I don't drink or dance or swear! I've even kept kosher, just to be on the safe side. I've done everything the Bible says; even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! What more could I do?"

What more indeed. And, really this is a rather long introduction to this - a half-way decent compendium of all the "stuff that contradicts the other stuff".

What fun.

Teaching flies a lesson

A spiritual one, that is - and that is to Work Well With Others.

Bless.

DC Comics get heavy on Gay Batman

It seems that DC Comics are a bit lacking on the old tolerance front. Remember the Gay Batman stuff? Well, DC are running around handing out cease and desist orders: like it'd never occurred to anybody that a bloke dressed in a black, tight-fitting body suit with a young, good looking sidekick and a thing for bodybuilding might have a, shall we say, rarer-than-mainstream sexuality.

Anyhoo, Stay Free! Daily has all the details. Along with a joyously stupid capslocked comment directly underneath.

Read on, people.

Fancy bibs

Now I can eat like the slob I always wanted to be with one of these.

Apparently, they look just like a shirt or a blouse (except they have food all over them).Now I can eat like the slob I always wanted to be with one of these.

Apparently, they look just like a shirt or a blouse (except they have food all over them).

Basic Rules to be a Blues Musician

I was wondering what I was missing here and now I know:

"1. Most blues begin "woke up this morning."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line.

I got a good woman,
With the meanest dog in town.

3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.

Got a good woman
With the meanest dog in town.
He got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
And he weighs 500 pounds."

And with these rules I can find out where I'm going - sorry, goin' - wrong.

Llanfairpwll - How to Say the Name Llanfairpwllgwyngyll...

Here's a new hobby for you.

Good luck - and when you've mastered it, post a sound file of you mangling it.

I do hope it's as good as this one; which is class, frankly.

Comedy Tuneage

Yes. I've been playing guitar in public again - and I performed this last night at Bar 120 in Huddersfield, almost as an afterthought. I reckoned a properly recorded version might be a good idea, and here it is. Well, until Noel Gallagher sues me, that is.

Don't Look Back In Anger

Download and enjoy. It brought the house down last night, and led to one big bear of a drunk insisting he was my "best mate" whilst insisting on calling me "kazoo boy".

Kazoo Boy.

He then followed me out of the pub and asked me where he could get a drink. At 3am, for crying out loud... I went to get a taxi and left him to pursue alcohol.

Ah. The Great Unwashed, eh? It's my public; and they baffle me.

Busted. Grounded.

One of my maxims in life is to never play a computer game that my mother plays. Given that my mother doesn't own a computer, that's a fairly abstract point. Someone should tell the guy who made post 3 in this World of Warcraft forum. In fact, way better - read the forum and share in his embarrassment when his mother joins in...

The iTheme continues...

With this daft video clip.

Oh miGod

If there's anything cuter than a baby, it's... What have we created?

Perfume.

Alan Cumming is a fine actor and a very witty man. He also likes perfume. Do I have to spell out what this perfume is called? You guessed it.

I have a friend who I suspect, given her reaction to several of my anecdotes recently, would find this pant-wettingly funny. Just remember, dearie: the toilet's on the train, and it's just left.

I can see your house from in here

Most of the mural
Originally uploaded by atduskgreg.

Oh for a friend like this. What you see here is a satellite photo of the neighbourhood around the place being transformed into a mural. The shapes from the photo were simplified in Photoshop and then it got projected onto the wall to be copied in pencil and painted in.

Here's the odd thing. The mural is South-up. Why? Because that's the way the wall faces. And admit it - who doesn't do that with maps anyway? I do.

Quite magnificent.

Frank's Vinyl Museum: The Internet Home of Weird Records

My regular reader (bless her) knows I love odd, old records and Frank's Vinyl Museum is the lodestone. Everything from the Banana Splits down complete with soundbites is present here (check out the special awfulness of BEATS!!! THE MERSEYSIDE SOUND!) and if you don't spend quite some time here you need your head testing.

***UPDATE*** It has "Hot Dog Man" by Elephant's Memory! RESULT!

I want a door like this

That's if it is a door. I mean, it's all in Japanese so it could be anything. But if it is a door, isn't it cool in a sci-fi kind of way? Just imagine if it goes wrong, though.

Arcade Game Tokens...

Tons of them. On flickr.com. Wow.

A life-affirming game

Well, not exactly. Pop your life choices unto this glorious piece of pessimism and watch it describe you in the worst light possible.

It's funny, but don't tell your therapist.

Dinosaur Adventure Land - "Where Dinosaurs and the Bible meet!"

Meet? Then what?

"Since 2001 Dinosaur Adventure Land has been a place where families can come to learn about God's Creation through science and the bible."

Uh-huh.

"DAL is comprised of a 3 story Science Center, Creation Museum, and Theme Park, making it fun for all ages, and one of the most amazing Creation Parks in the world."

Right...

"Our goal is to win souls to Christ, by giving everyone another choice. You can believe that you came from a rock, or you can believe that a loving God created you for a purpose."

And make money. Don't forget the money.

There's a bit of me that wants to run a mile and a bit of me that wants to go to Dinosaur Adventure Land - "Where Dinosaurs and the Bible meet!"

No. Scrub that. I ain't goin' nowhere.

Stop Alien Abductions

And you can with this lovely hat. Actually, this one's for the laydeez, as tinfoil is so Barbarella, so 1969, isn't it?

However, don't throw the tinfoil away yet as it'll be in next spring.

I got it licked now

I've been away a few days. Work issues, mainly - been working way too hard. So let me return with this superb article from the good ol' Register-Guard of Eugene, OR that details a football coach's somewhat bizarre practices. And ask yourself this: what's wrong with band-aids?

Astronaut Wee - it's the real thing

When I was little I wanted to be an astronaut. After reading this, I've gone off the idea.