Donnez la boule à l'homme chauve!

Hello, football types. Ever had a kickaround and imagined you're playing with the world's best? You know, like Brian Glover in Kes? Well, sometimes dreams come true - as they did for this bunch of blokes who found themselves having a kickaround with Gallic pre-penalty vomiter and all-round balding genius Zinedine Zidane. Actually, for the guys in the other side, it's a complete nightmare. Poor lambs. Watch and giggle (or wince) as Zizou makes a complete arse of a bunch of Sunday League players here.

Now you know the meaning of "in a different class".

"You're gullible..."

Not too keen on James Bl(o)unt, me. Never was. I find him anodyne in the extreme compared with a talent like David Ford (iTunes store link). So imagine my joy when I heard Gullible, a spot-on parody of Mr Bl(o)unt's hype-driven nonsense by the highly mischievous Doghorse.

I'm considering playing this live; but I may not survive the night.

I was fooled

Not only is my tinfoil helmet useless against aliens, it is also a possibility that I may be a tool of the US Government. Read on, peasant.

Best. Cover. Version. Ever.

Oh, this is fantastic.

Playmobil - Security Check Point

I offer this post without comment.

Wear Your Cat

There's an interesting prospect. And no, this isn't about to get the animal rights people screaming - for I am bringing to your attention an enterprising little company called VIP Fibers Inc, who make yarn out of your pet's fur. It's an interesting proposition, and far better than the mess my cat leaves on a daily basis. Check them out here.

Now, given the size of my cat how many YEARS would it take to make a decent sweater?

Wrestlers of Mexico City

They RAWK!

Whoa!

Dawn of the Knitted Dead

You know, I like obsessive people. I'm one in a kind of benign, non-compulsive way. And Hannah here is another one. I like her. Now, I'm a bit of a fan of George A Romero. Martin is my favourite film, personally. That's because I'm a bit odd, I suppose. And because I like Soft Cell's take on the film (link to iTunes music store snippet).

Anyhoo, Hannah J Simpson seems to be cut of similar cloth to me. And she's produced her own homage to Dawn Of The Dead. In wool. No, really: she has. And it's really quite spiffing. Take a look.

See? Spiffing.

The Cars from Wacky Races! In Paper! Wow!

Three guesses who might be getting the Pritt Stick out this weekend. For some wonderful person has made a bunch of templates for paper models of the cars from Wacky Races, which was required viewing for me back in the '70s

Take a look here and, hey: leave a comment if you make one.

Paula Orpington. Very odd.

Can anybody explain this ?

Francophones are more than welcome to try.

Gadget city!

It's amazing what you can get for your USB port these days. How's about an air freshener?

I want one. Whatever next: printing from your USB port?

I've just gone off bread

And believe me, you would too if you saw these...

Gay Action Man porn on Flikr

Let's get the NOT SAFE FOR WORK thing out of the way first, shall we? I'm even having trouble thinking of a place where this would be safe, to be honest.

OK. The title gives it away in a nutshell. Gay porn with dolls. They've even oiled the guys.

Look at the photoset here and either wince or say "well done". I did an odd combination of the two.

Scary fun, in a nutshell.

Waxing David Hasselhoff

Yup. A daft game. You get to do exactly what I just advertised.

Go on. You know you want to.

SpoiledrottenDoggies

Oh, and they are.

Hier siehst du ein Baby. Weißt du, wie es auf die welt gekommen ist?

Germans are crazy. No, trust me. They are. I spend a lot of time in the company of Germans, and they're quite barmy. Barmy in a nice way for the most part, but still quite odd.

And this is a example of good German oddness. It's a book. On where babies come from. Only it's a tad too detailed.

See?

It's probably not safe for work, unless you work for a children's book publisher that somewhat oversteps the mark (in which case you probably know the book already).

Bar Signs

You know the thing about talking? It inhibits drunkenness. And drunkenness inhibits shyness, which gets you talking.

Houston, we have a problem.

So why not develop a non-verbal language to get us past that thorny issue? Modern Drunkard magazine has done us proud. Let us salute them. Non-verbally, of course.

Drink, anyone?

Over Three Hundred Proofs of God's Existence

And I don't get any of them. Ho hum.

I'm Ba-a-a-ack!

And good lord it's been hectic. Just moved house, had a few things moving on the music front, got a friend with big mittens... It's all been a bit crackers. I'll drip-feed you as we go along. Read on.

Still, I'm back. Wouldn't you know it, I have a blog entry about poo. Nothing changes, really.

Now - here's a healthy new way to poo - or is it an old way. No matter. Anyway, why not squat to improve your health? You have a proper toilet, I hear you mutter. No matter - try Nature's Platform. It'll take 300 lbs. There you go - even YOU can use one. And you know who you are.

Enjoy!

I been so busy

And here's the latest new song - all acoustic and open G tuning. All this playing live is making me live in the real world.

Here, have a free download:

I'm Talking About You

Enjoy.

EDIT: some reviews!

"I was going to blather on about how bloody brilliant you are and how you've pulled another bit of magic out of your oddly-tuned gitbox, but I think I'll just go listen to this gem of a song again."

"Absolutely brilliant. Tops."

"as for your song, it's sounds like it didn't take any effort to make! as though you just stepped up and there it was... done already. the production is very smooth and allows for easy falling into. "

Then of course, there's one last plug for my cover of an Oasis song that had me dubbed "the Hendrix of the kazoo"...

Don't Look Back In Anger